♫ Xin ❤
~Xin Xin World~
  


♥☆ Sunday, October 11, 2009 ; 8:49 PM ☆♥
❥{long time no blog

It has been 4 days since i last blogged...

Past few days...even including now...have been a rather...depressing days for me...emooo state has reached the highest point in me...

Need to thank my senior and all my friends and everyone who have encouraged me one way or another...with msn...facebook message...talking...or just patting on my head or back...these small actions and words really helped a lot...if not...i would have given up long ago...

I have named my blog as Everything happy or sad...but it seems like everything i wrote are all "emo"s posts...maybe its time for me to change it to Everything sad and Emo...haiz...

Its just that...

I feel...a lot of things are really super sad and emo...I really do tried my best to work really hard...to the extend of not sleeping or eating cos i feel those things also use are a lot of precious time...but it just don't work...and everytime i am emo...more depressing things just come piling on top...

Someone..."erhem"...mentioned 2 weeks ago that its because i dunnoe how to plan my time thats why i am always so exhausted and lack of time...but do i have a choice? Did i not make an effort to plan? I did...but my plans can never work out...with sudden incoming things and events i have to handle...I am not trying to say that I dun like to do my events and so on...i enjoy doing them...i learn a lot a lot each time i do a events...its just that...I guess...its not the problem of my CCA but rather...problem with my schoolwork...

My friends...BR...AW...who always like to tease me...once said this "why are u always sleeping in class...why not u just dun come if u wanna sleep..."...but what really causes this...cos i dun understand a single thing at all...not a single thing...i tried my best to understand...but in the end...still...

As i type this...got a feeling that there are tears in my eyes...

I know that i should be stronger...its really not my character to bend down so easily...afterall...after so many things that happen to me during my childhood...after trying hard to get the best in my results in sec and poly no matter what happen...i know i shouldn't bend down now...but...i really dun wan to...but...do i have a choice?

Its really depressing not to be able to understand anything...and always scoring the worst score ever even when i really worked my heart and lungs out...but...it just dun seems to work...i tried many ways to change my study methods...taking notes...drawing maps...everything that i can think of...but it just dun seems to work...

Unexpectantly...few days ago...on wed while i am working and in the deepest state of emoness...someone msn me...very unexpectantly...yes..."erhem"...leaving a message of console...and aftrwhich on my facebook status he also unexpectantly never before left a message 2 days ago asking why emo...is it 212...and i should let go...

Its not about 212...and i can say that i am somehow numbed from failing all the time since i enter uni...its about a lot of things...not only school...but also...a lot of things...and i tot for 212 i would be able to somehow make it out...but somehow...it just dun work out again...

But to say the truth...its sometime easier to study and mug with friends in school...especially from same course...but a lot of people i know of are staying outside...and those not staying outside i guess got their own alternatives to study bah...haiz...

I never regretted entering into uni...and more never regret entering my current course...its something i wanna try out...a area i wanna explore in...but...its just that...

Feels that life is sometime very meaningless...i mean...year 1 was a wonderful year for me...but afterwhich...everything just either comes to a standstill or just get more emo...including other things...i guess...happiness especially for me dun last...i guess...i can never experience joy and being happy...

To say the truth...my sec and poly years are the worst nitemares i ever had...never experienced being happy...everyday is like a warzone for me...tot somehow i would be able to change that aspect when i enter uni...but i guess...i can never be able to experience being happy...because once i go near happiness...i would experience loneliness...sadness and emo in a worst situation...

I can only say that...i am now like a walking zombie...but i would still wan everyone around me to be happy...as i always say to all my emo friends...emo land is fully occupied by a pink fat piggy...(yes...its me..)...i wan everyone around me...everyone i care for...ppl i put in my heart...to be happy...

I guess...because of this...somehow i would just smile and laugh eventhough i feel like crying...cos i dun wan anyone to experience the "black cloud"...especially when i am stressed or tensed...i guess i have gone bonkers...or maybe i already dunnoe who i am...

I guess this is it for today...i think my new slogan is..."Emoooo...Haizz..."


Xin ♡