♫ Xin ❤
~Xin Xin World~
  


♥☆ Wednesday, March 31, 2010 ; 11:30 PM ☆♥
❥{time no longer matters in a lifeless life......

Well...just now while studying...suddenly tot of a lot of things....


I feel that time no longer matters in a lifeless life...it really doesn't matter anymore...no longer knows what am i here for...no longer knows what my aim is...what my destiny is...or what i am doing...


I am here because i have to be here...


Thats why as time passes...i always hope to be able to stay in my dreamland forever...so that i can always be in a place where i can really smile...and really dream of the little wish i wanted...forever sleeping...


I am so tired...i am so exhausted...


And until now...i have no really smile from deep in my heart...smiling on the outside...laughing on the outside...but the laughters never reach my heart...it never does...and my heart only get lonelier...


No matter what i do...how i joke...how i laugh...the real joy and laughters never reach my heart...it has always stayed cold...freezing...lonely...and have been like this for a long long time...


Will i be able to find the joy...will i be able to find the happiness...to fill my heart full of exhaustion? Or i can only find my joy in my dreams...


Will there be a day...where i can really feel joy and happiness from my heart...and to smile from my heart...i guess that day will never comes...i guess happiness...will never reach me...
Xin ♡




♥☆ ; 3:52 PM ☆♥
❥{keep sleeping non-stop...

Wonder why i keep sleeping non-stop...


Well...i guess might be because whole day didn't eat anything since H.S pass me one of his muffin to eat...that is the only thing i ate for the rest of the day...


Then after the hw meeting today...which i almost forgotten...how come i forgot about it since yesterday a.w and me were like discussing where to meet up online...i guess overly strained myself liao...totally...


Today really is like...no strength no nothing...and after the guys discussed their 214...(which until now i still dun have the paper...i think should be zero bah...)...it totally broke the last strength that i have...haizzz...completely cannot lift up my spirit anymore...


But somehow i still think of the thing that i have been emoing about since the weekend...


Haizzz...tough to brush it off...


But i guess just have to work extra harder...so that i will not think too much i guess...just focusing on my work...the hw report...and most importantly my elective...


I guess the point as to why i am straining myself hard on this is because it is an area i should be good at bah...music...since i was a kid...


But somehow...i tend to overly pressurize myself...ending up over straining myself...


But the thing that i am emo about someday i should be able to forget it and move on bah...


I guess maybe taking a little nap will be better bah...


Hopefully i will be more refreshed after the short nap...to continue on eating up my notesss...


Yawnzzz~
Xin ♡




♥☆ Tuesday, March 30, 2010 ; 11:31 AM ☆♥
❥{i know i am moody...

Moody...moody...really moody...


Due to schoolwork, midterms plus some other thingys...


Keep thinking about it...just cannot brush it off...dunnoe what happen for some reason started to think about it since saturday when i reach home and finished watching a telemovie on channel 5...haizzz...


Mama scolded me being dumbo for getting upset over this emo thing now and then...but just...no matter how much i try to brush it off...somehow i will still think about it...


Oh well...just try to ignore...think about the bad side...and just be cold about it bah...somehow...someday i will just forget about it...will no longer think about it...and the day will come soon since this sem will be the last...


Haizzz...


Oh well...better start studying my jap music le...haizzz...the 100% nightmare is just next week...exactly 7 days later...oh my tian...super stressed and worried...


Hmmm...later going for hw tutorial also...alone i guess...since a.w and b.r went for the morning slot...and yl is doing some stuff in the afternoon...


Oh yea...still got to remember to pass my lab report 7 back to the lab...i wonder what happen...how come only group 6 de lab report 7 got called back...oh my tian...going to deduct marks? Going to check got similarity? Gosh...or maybe the TA forgot to key in marks? Waaa....


Oh well...i think i go nap for 15 minutes then go to tut liao...later after hw tut will go to pass back the lab report...stress stress...i guess week 12 will be another nightmare week for me >.<


Beep Beep >.<
Xin ♡




♥☆ Monday, March 29, 2010 ; 9:43 PM ☆♥
❥{last midterm for my cores T_T

Today is the last midterm for my cores...T_T...


And as usual...almost got chop up totally by the paper...haizzz...spend like one whole hour on the last question...dun understand how come cannot get the ans...T_T


Haizzz...then just now went to makan jap food at can 14...then realise suddenly actually all the canteens in school taste almost similar =.=""...lols...not much different...


And this week cannot buy bag again T_T...cos wanna do up my proforma and report for hw asap so that i can focus on my week 12 final exam for my elective...T_T...super stresss...dun understand all the differences in the tones...the frequency ratio between each intervals of the tones...and how come the ratio and cents of each keys are like that...i guess can only go shopping next week or the week after next le >.<


Haizzz...suddenly recalled what my lecturer say during class..."music are like mathematics..."...when he said that...suddenly got 1000 lines of =.="" on my head...haizzz...


And somemore there are even waveslengths that i need to calculate between each key and tones...and once again...recall what my lecturer say "treat music just like doing mathematics"...suddenly like infinity of lines =.="" covering my whole head"...T_T...


Scary...tough...scary...X100


Hopefully i can manage it...really need to focus hard on it...remembering and understand each key and tones...and most importantly remember the lyrics of the jap music i will be tested on...


Keep forgetting the last two lines of lyrics...haizzz...


Now in my hall de tv lounge *freezing*...well i think will go on to my maths tut first bah...need to show it to my tutor tomorrow...


JiaYou!!!! GamBatteh!!!! >.<
Xin ♡




♥☆ Friday, March 26, 2010 ; 5:56 PM ☆♥
❥{ouch ouch...my bone...my bone...

Finally back in hall...after a seem like not very long but feel like a very long day de day...


Now in hall...bone breaking apart...neck falling off my head (gosh...sound scary)...and tired and sleepy also...went to "da bao" food from the vegetarian store (fried rice) so tonite will be stuck in my room...not going out le...


Lols i guess my roomie is also tired...we interacted using msn instead of talking...ahahaha...like asking each other questions and talking to each other...on msn though we are next to each other (can see how exhausted i am le bah...*yawnzzz*)


Goodness...my watch keep beep beep every hour...wonder what happen to it sia...became like this after this morning de lab...


Talking about this morning de lab...lols...gosh...its really a "wonderful" last lab session for this sem...really "exciting"...(hidden meanings)...lols


A lot of "unbreakable" moments...(hidden meanings again)...ahahahaha...


Then after the whole lab session, went to have lunch with yl and H.S...since A.W and B.R already eaten...


Oh well...then today play another trick again on A.W again (well he ignore us first mah...=X)...then well...lols...lots of things happened in between...but managed to pull him back to the group...


Then today de hw discussion..oh my tian...stuck at introduction again...and only yl and me brought the results...=.="" I tot supposed to finish up methodology and results...in the end...background again T_T...


Lolsss...suddenly the group split into two...one group (me, yl, H.S) were onto the research and results part...cannot take it le...wanna finish something new today...while another gorup (a.w, b.r), still onto the intro part and almost end up fighting over it...=.=""


At the end of the whole session...suddenly feel really really sleepy...and back breaking...=.=""...at first wanted to go buy my backpack...but then too tired...T_T...so in the end...sadden...


Hopefully can finish the report by next week bah...cos have to focus on my elective final which is on week 12 T_T...gambatteh!!!!!!


(Maybe after all the exams...can ask the hw group to go for a outing together during the summer holidays...hehe...just like last time de hw111 de outing like that...hehe...wonder where or what place is fun and nice...thinking of zoo...or maybe escape theme park...lols >.<)
Xin ♡




♥☆ Thursday, March 25, 2010 ; 8:07 PM ☆♥
❥{i am exhausted..

Haizzz...sooner or later i am either going to faint from exhaustion...or lack of sleep...or lack of rest...or maybe lack of food and water T_T...


Erm...i am not in a desert...still in living world...


But it seems like there are so many things to do...so many things to handle...yet there is so little time...


And the worst thing is hor...my experiment de data got coop by someone...and that person just send me lists of datas (with no naming..no heading...no nothing...just numbers)...and expect me to "guess" what he is thinking lor...zzzzzzzzz...yar...H.S...(cos he is my lab partner and that lab day last week he was the data recorder)...


Okie la...the whole story goes like this:


At first today after the hw meeting suppose to pass him the proformas...but in the end...tot he will bring a file or something...but he brought only...himself =.=""...no datas...and no nothing to store his proformas...so oh well...just help him keep for awhile...


Then after meeting up with our tutor, we continue on with the meeting for a short while, then i quickly go off to pass a calculus textbk that my tutor lend me to do tut...well H.S also need to go off...so tot of passing him while on my way to the shuttle bus C bus stop...but then he went to queue up for mr bean...so i quickly ran off first to pass the textbk back to my tutor...


In the end...my tutor disappear...so went back to the store...and he also disappeared...zzzzzz...so have to end up walking all the way to his hall to pass him his proforma...but still he refuse to pass me the data...saying he will send me...


Oh well...so i waited...and in the end...only send me...numbers!!!!!!!! Ask him also like heck care answering...grrrrrrrr...what does the numbers mean?????? concentration? dilution? volts??? wat??? no headings...no nothing...a guessing game? Wheel of fortune ar? zzzzz dun even have vowel to choose or buy... =.=""


Then in the end have to go back to his hall (second time) to look for him for data...told him 10 mins will be there...but in the end...couldn't find him...nobody in his hall...what the heck...zzz...so waited for him like some roadside ah pek...squatting there...sitting at the staircase there...15 whole minutes...nobody there...so quickly run back to my workplace...luckily my supervisor didn't know it since i use my break to go there...but in the end...zzzzzz...he came back to his hall...saying he didn't know...RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!


Then super wanna bite ppl liao...use up my last 15 minutes break and went to get my data (thinking if he is not giving me i am going to chop down his door liao)...but in the end yar...finally after going to his hall the third time...finally got the data...


Now trying to understand the data...hopefully can finish it up...if not...cannot sleep again...haizzz...T_T


Data...data...blur~
Xin ♡




♥☆ Wednesday, March 24, 2010 ; 10:16 PM ☆♥
❥{in study room now...

In my hall study room now...trying a lot of places for a comfortable place to study...old can A...lib...all the libs in fact...adm...lwn...blah blah...in sch...comp lab...my "old spot" in sch...and also try a variety of methods to study...with music...with movie...with drama...with friends...and without lappy...


But all doesn't seems to work quite work...now in study room...hopefully it will be a better place to study compare to my room...always wanna eat and sleep in my room...so haizzz...now also listening to music on my blog while doing my research for hw102a to keep myself awhile...i think need to find new songs le...a bit bored with them liao...lols


Just now also went to H.H de hall to visit his room...he just recently got a hall last week...and K.K, K.V and me went to his room to see see...and its the same style as hall 16...oh yar forgot to mention that its hall 3...hmmm...so its true that both halls are duplicates of each other...lols


Oh well...then after staying for around 5-10 mins H.H de roomie (also from same course) came back...face looks a bit black so i quickly drag the guys out...( i guess we shouldn't go to his personal room bah...>.<)


Lols...somehow today a bit sot liao...went on a tour around hall =.=""...and then after which went to adm to do my hw102a...going to target to finish the research by midnite..then tomorrow meeting can do more things le...if not next week i can't do much since it will be my elective final exam and i am going to focus on it...


Then will move on to my maths for tmr...then going to chiong my elective also...trying to remember and memorise the notes...equations...formulaes...and of cos the lyrics for the song which i will be tested and required to sing to the lecturer...gosh...100% final exam coming next week (or the week after next?)...


And i just realise...i haven't finish my proforma...omg...and tmr i also got to work...oh my tian...and my data is with H.S now...gosh...hopefully he brings tmr...oh no...that means tmr cannot sleep liao...have to chiong proforma...oh noooo...saddening...T_T...haizzz...


Alrite...back to hw102a research...>.<...*sleepy*...*cold cold*
Xin ♡




♥☆ Tuesday, March 23, 2010 ; 11:46 PM ☆♥
❥{Another saddening day...i feel so tired...haizzz...

Another saddening day today...


Had my 211 this afternoon...and i as usual dunnoe how to do a lot of questions again although it looks much much simpler as compared to 214...(eventhough 214 is openbook...haizzz...i am completely completely blind...)...really saddening...


Its really depressing not to be able to know anything at all...whenever people are able to answer questions very easily...its like...i would ask myself why am i so dumb not to be able to answer all those questions...really dumb...


After which i went for my matlab...and as usual...almost killed by it...but survived it somehow...and then went on to ____ a.k.a H.S de hall to get sample proforma from him...well...kinda happy when he passed me some snacks and chocolates...i guess food still able to soothe my depression somehow >.<


After which ran for my elective, jap music...and oh my tian...my "final exam" will be coming soon...which is like...oh my tian...i am completely lost on how to calculate the intervals...the octave...and blah blah...oh my tian...i am really goner for this sem...but only subject that i can depend on...going to be chop up into pieces soon...


Haiz...and next week will be my 214 again...openbook again...this time if still cannot see carefully...going to dig out my eyes and throw it away le...or stick it on my sch...gosh...sound like horror movie...


Going to work X100 times harder for my elective and 214...have to try to pass them...really need to pass them...especially 214...and to score for my elective...really have to score...haizzz....cannot retake...cannot drop further...


Tired...
Xin ♡




♥☆ Monday, March 22, 2010 ; 11:16 PM ☆♥
❥{cut my hair...luckily its nice =)

Yesterday went to the hair salon with mama to cut my hair...actually is mama drag me down to cut my hair...cos me after laying on my sofa is too lazy to move an inch...not to mention overly exhausted plus extremely depressed over my 214...haizzz...


Then when i reach the salon my usual hairstylist asked me what kind of hairstyle i wanna go for...then i just say "i wan it short"...well...mama of cos love my hair short short cos well...dunnoe for some reason she prefer short hairs...


Oh well...so yup...cut my hair short...unti shoulder length...i guess i am too emo to even bother about how long my hair is le...although when the scissor "chop" off my hair...feel kinda heartache...afterall...have retain that length for quite sometime after doing rebonding... >.<


Then when i reach home...log log say its really nice! well of cos happy that my short hair is not ruined...cos log log is really "fashion police" at home...lols...really good in choosing hairstyle and help to choose which clothes for which jeans and so on...lols...


Then just now when i reach hall...my roomie when she saw me...she was like "wow u cut ur hair short! Its really nice!!!" Hehe...super happy again that my hair is not ruined by me after asking to cut it short...lols...


Haiz...now have to go back to my eating notes session...got a feeling i will not be able to finish all the notes by tonite or even tomorrow morning...haizzz...still got two topics to go...might have to skip some to do practices le...haizzz


Just aiming for a pass...hopefully i can pass...really praying hard...
Xin ♡




♥☆ Saturday, March 20, 2010 ; 12:56 PM ☆♥
❥{indescribable sadness...

Just got back to hall after my 214 midterm...


And...


Indescribable sadness...


Can't answer any questions at all...can't at all..


And the answer are rite in front of me...but i am too blind to notice it that it is in one of the piles of papers i brought in...eventhough its openbook...but i am so blind not to notice that particular section of paper...T_T


The lectures and notes that the lecturer give can in conclusion go burn and throw away liao...wasted energy and time...but in the end nothing useful is there...


NOTHING IS ON THEM AT ALL!!!!!!!! And the best part is...there are so many words on it...dun even know what the prof are talking about...and end up going straight into looking at the solution manuals and answer sheets for the exercises...


But totally goner for me today...


Totally...


Really really sad...


Feel really really lost...


Just feel like crying...feel really worst than failing my maths...no matter now much i practice...but in the end...still a gone case for me...no matter how much i try...


Dun wan to move on anymore...no point...cos end up i am still goner...


And now raining...really expresses the dying feeling i am having now...just hope that i can sleep forever and not know anything...no point knowing...cos the result will always be the same...


WHY AM I HERE.....


WHY AM I SO DUMB.....


WHY.....


SHOULD I EVEN BE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE..


Really think that i should just give up and quit...really no point...i am so tired...


Looking out of the window...tears in my heart start to drip down uncontrollably...


How am i going to continue for the other midterms...i dun understand anything...i really dun understand anything at all...


Failed my maths...failed 214...


I am totally lost...


What should i do...what can i do...


I guess i can only wait to be killed...


Or wait for myself to collapse...
Xin ♡




♥☆ Friday, March 19, 2010 ; 7:30 PM ☆♥
❥{food shopping spree at BHG XD

Just came back to hall not long ago...lols...supposedly should be in hall eating up notes for tomorrow's nightmare test...but then end up...


At a food shopping spree in nanyang audi with my friend~ LOLSSS...oops XD


At first wanted to buy bag...but end up at the food section and perfume section for a long long long time...bought a lot of snacks~ =) And shared part of it with H.S cos buy more cheaper...oh...H.S is the new nick for _______. Yup...why H.S leh...hehe...will only tell to people i am close with....LOLS


Then wanted to buy adida fruity perfume...think a long time cos me also quite particular about perfume...when finally wanna buy after using both of my whole hand as perfume tester and after the store is closing...the sales lady say they dun have!!!!! ZZZ...then how come got tester there to test out the perfume when dun even got sell -.-


Oh well...i guess at least got a lot of foodiesssssss~ heeeeeheeee =) OH! Just realise my honeydew chocolate supposedly should be shared with H.S...he took away liaooooooo....my chocolate!!!!!! Hopefully he remember that half of it is mine...and not "accidentally" eat up everything...HONEYDEW CHOCOLATE~~~~~~ >.<


Oh well...got to go back to my notes now...oh no...less than 12 hours to nightmare...to D-day...oh no...and i am still stuck at lecture 2...haven't even try out the exercises...oh nooooo....



(At 1 am...)


Oh man...how come all my combat cheese in mousehunt gone liao!!!!! GRRRRR...no onyx stone at all...and even normal mouse cannot be attracted...all got coop!!!!! AHHHHH~~~~~~ (bad sign sia...hopefully dun reflect what is going to happen later in the test...)
Xin ♡




♥☆ Thursday, March 18, 2010 ; 12:07 AM ☆♥
❥{wow...today...

Wow just realise on facebook that today a lot of people that i know are having their birthday...including my ex-secondary maths teacher...Ms O.Y...


Wishing everyone having birthday today a very wonderful HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! SMILE ALWAYS!!!!!! =) =)







Today while typing my lab proforma keep falling asleep...is either i fell asleep on my left hand or right hand...and now after reaching hall both my hands are feeling a bit numbed...T_T...and i have a lot of proforma and studying to do also...and with my flu and fever still not fully recovered...haizzz...everything is just proceeding way slowly for me...but nightmares are approaching real fast...in less than 2 days...but have not done much studying due to my flu and fever...so constantly feel like sleeping as and when my body feels like it... T_T


Haiz...also saw my maths midterm result...and i...failed T_T...haiz...somehow already mentally prepared for it but still feels a bit sadden and depressed over it...because of a lot of careless mistakes and lots of important things being forgotten in the last minutes T_T...


As the days countdown...getting more depressed and sad...cos know that i will not be able to do well...but on the other hand still really wanted to make a different and do better this semester...


Haiz...life is sometime so sad and tiring...but still have to continue to move on bah i guess...that is what calls life...


Oh well...i better quickly go bath now and continue on with my typing plus drinking and eating up my notes... >.<


JiaYou...Gambatteh!!!!! >.<
Xin ♡




♥☆ Tuesday, March 16, 2010 ; 2:23 AM ☆♥
❥{this is the real world...

This is the real world...


It is how it is...


After the conversation for the past 2 hours since 12+ am...let me realise a lot of things...


That what mama said all the time are really true...although she said it in a rather fierce tone...but i guess she just wants me to remember it well...so that i will not do the same thing again...


Now I just slowly start to understand what she had told me all along...its just that i refuse to understand that this is the truth of real world...how scary it can be...


1 year limit...this is how a person will reveal the true face...after so many times...finally understand that 1 year is the limit...no matter how much i dun wan to believe that...but that is the truth...and the whole truth...


And as one have more power...one will change...or maybe that is the true self...just that it is not being revealed...


And like mama say...i only understand it when i knock onto the "wall"...inflexibility hurts myself...just going straight without thinking twice...


But oh well...better than going straight forever rite...now i feel the pain...my red alert zone is up with my spiky armor suit that i have kept hidden away for a long time shall be up now...


Wearing it again makes me feel heavy...but just have to get used to it...for protection...for lots of things...someday i will get used to it...just like how i got used to it in the past...and always wearing it...


One happy news here...


I got confirmation for my summer research last nite monday!!!!!! weeeeeeeee =) =)


Two horrid news:


My friend KK didn't get in...sad...tot he will be able to get into the same summer research with me...so we can hang out together and makan...sadden...then dunnoe who got in...hopefully its not....hopefully... will be accompanying KK on wednesday and see how everything goes...hopefully we can work in the same summer project and same group >.<


Another bad news is i will have to shift out of hall by 7th May...which means...i have to travel like madness during my summer research since its a everyday thing...oh my tian...travel everyday without rest...and its a 9.30 am to 6 pm thing...waaa...oh my tian...that will be really really scary...


Just hope that i can get a hall during summer...really pray hard and hope for a space in hall...really really hope for one...>.<


Xin ♡




♥☆ Monday, March 15, 2010 ; 1:16 AM ☆♥
❥{super pissed off...

Really really really angry now...until i wanna drip tears due to anger...


Just now was looking around for anyone who can help me buy mahjong paper or whether they know if the sch got bookstore...


Then suddenly got shoot by my club de IRO Y.C...super super super pissed off...


Acting as if he is so pro in everything...hey...if i can choose not to be sick and have fever i will choose...but do i have a choice? And whether or not one have determination doesn't even got to do with fever...cos when having fever...already feel head is exploding and feel like dying le with my backache and headache...who cares whether determination or not...


But all he say is i find excuse not to mann booth...hello...i am even going to skip all my important lectures...do i have a choice to choose not to fall sick?


Oh forgot to mention my flu have gone to worst and my fever have rise up to 38 degree...and my back are breaking apart from pain...fortunately manage to get home to take panadol at 9pm...but i think will be seeing a doc in case it got worst...


And instead of being understanding...i got shoot...at this wrong point of time...really feel pissed and upset...


And somemore i got to know that he is going to be the next V.P...which is like...goodness...if he can't even understand people's feeling and help people...how is he going to manage the whole club...


Forget it...i will still do what i have promised and will climb to nie from home and buy mahjong papers from there...


Got to talk to Ian about this since he is the next P...if he is same as Y.C...then fine...forget it...


I might not even be able to survive after the nightmares...


Now struggling to keep myself living...but if Ian also cannot understand the difficulties i am having with my modules and with everything then really...i think no point continuing liao...


Really wanted to continue...really wanted to continue to join in this club cos its so much fun after the openhouse...really eye-opener for me...and get to know more about some of the club members such as M and C...and starting to understand the club a bit better...its really more than what is on the outer...with so many people coming to our booth to play...even cute little kids...its really interesting...


But if the upsetting thing that happened just now keep happening in the future...i dunnoe whether i can even continue on...its really unfair...and very depressing...


Why everything dun seem to go well after i have just some gain slight happy moments after such a long long time of black days...


Why does black cloud following me closely behind...


(1 hour later~)


Feel slightly less upset le after dripping a few tears...and also a few friends pop a few little messages...which although seems small...but really helps a lot...and one even offered helps since he knows i couldn't go for class tmr...


Just hope that my fever and flu goes away fast...cos tmr still have to go sch to help in the club event and also my work...cos nobody is available to help cover for me T_T...so have to do it...


And the most crucial and important thing now to focus and really focus on are my modules...and maths...have to work four times harder...for my upcoming nightmare midterms starting this week and ongoing...


Praying for intelligence and strength from God (i still believe in God though i am free-think...yup yup)
Xin ♡




♥☆ Saturday, March 13, 2010 ; 9:06 PM ☆♥
❥{Openhouse + Haaa-choooo!!!!

Today having openhouse event~


Super exhausted after the end of the day...with slight dizziness due to flu and lack of sleep...and probably in addition heat stroke...but today is a really enriching day...ahahahaha~


Learn a lots of thing about openhouse...and made a new friend...H...cool =)


Wonderful lady...lots of fun we have...chit-chatting...gaming...and yup...one of my subcomm is my roomie...so we both make new friends also...


Also bumped into A.W and A.S today...A.S is having his eureka poster there so its kinda cool...and A.W is manning a booth at sch...so went to support him also...lols


Then in the middle of the day suddenly start sneezing non-stop...really really non-stop...and used up 6 packets of tissue...goodness...really headache...haiz...


Then after around 4+ start to rain really heavily...even got flood...i mean mini-flood...our equipments almost got drowned...lols...running and trying to salvage the equpiments...


Also saw H.F dropping by before he went back to his scholar booth at audi...tried looking for him but couldn't see him...actually went to the wrong level...lols...he is in the upper level...but i went to the lower level instead...


Then started to sneeze non-stop again...have to run to the washroom cos...no more tissue liao T_T...sobzzz...


And now...ouch...feel as if my head is exploding...i guess its a really bad sign...


Hopefully flu will not get worst tmr...this week will be a nightmare week...need a strong body to withstand everything...


Haizzz...
Xin ♡




♥☆ Friday, March 12, 2010 ; 10:30 PM ☆♥
❥{lousy day in lab...

Today have a really lousy day in lab...nono...should i say these two days are depressing for me...firstly...thursday just had my maths midterm...and i think its not going really smooth...should i say...lousy...haizzz...


Then after that couldn't finish my proforma...cos couldn't seem to calculate out the correct stuff...so ended up not sleeping the whole nite and trying to rush out the proforma...but in the end when i printed out today i realise number 1 i print the wrong graph and number 2 i calculated the end answer wrongly...oh no...


Then today also really disaster lab...oh man...need to change a nick...erm...oh well just leave it as ____ for now bah...


Today whole day i think the noisest bench should be our bench...our spot bah...cos basically for the whole exp we have been shooting and screaming at each other non-stop...really super communication breakdown X 1000...and yar...today he is my lab partner just like when we are first year...but strangely is during first year we can coordinate better...unlike now...can't even understand simple language...


Its either i am making blur mistakes or he is almost breaking all the glasswares...and we are rushing like mad...mixing up the samples during analysis...


I guess our form of communication are shooting...and screaming bah...gosh...


Then another labmate on the same bench opposite who saw our "action-drama" tot we are going to tear each other apart liao...trying to calm us down...but i guess...although we are screaming...but haven't gone into the red zone yet bah...i guess? Lols...so in the end we just replied her that its our form of "communication"...


But super tired day...and sadden + heartache that my proforma is goner T_T...but just couldn't figure out what went wrong...have to admit that analytical chem is really my weakest area...especially today without any sleep at all...


Just hope that when it comes back next week everything will be good and well...
Xin ♡




♥☆ Tuesday, March 9, 2010 ; 1:28 AM ☆♥
❥{exhausted...

Physically...mentally...and emotionally exhausted....drained from any energy left...


Has been trying to maintain concentration for the whole day and not falling asleep...though i know that with the lack of sleep these few days...of less than 2.5 hours per day...i will look like a...hmm...expressionless...panda eyes...robotic walking style...and eyes with =.=...


Still trying to struggle really hard...


Both academic and other things...now trying my 101% effort to really study and understand maths and my other mods...but then still really lagging behind compared to a lot of people i know...really lagging far far behind until i cannot see myself behind them anymore...


Just had a 1.5 hours on and off nap...on the table...and went for a refreshing shower...feels better now...and munching on raisin bread that mama bought for me to keep myself awake...


Later in the evening will finally have my elective lecture...my favourite for this sem...my lecturer have gone back to jap for quite some time...and finally he is back (i think?)...Sometime my friends wonder...nono...should i say...they seriously think that i am in the wrong course somehow...i can fare better in music and humanities as compare to sciences...although i only have chinese music background...but sadly not able to minor in any of them cos firstly for music...i have no western music background and secondly...humanities minor will definitely crash with my cores time table...(and definitely crash me also...)...so in the end...stuck in a alien world (yar...my course...)


After completing my degree i think i will go and learn some western music theory and piano =) this is something that i always wanted and always aiming for but never able to achieve due to many circumstances...


But oh well...that is still a dream...now have to focus on what is on my hand now...mathssssssssss....haizzzzzzzzz...


Just hope and pray really hard that i can pass the maths mid-term this coming thursday...and also my other mods coming soon...ouch... >.<


Hope hope...pray pray...>.<
Xin ♡




♥☆ Saturday, March 6, 2010 ; 1:49 PM ☆♥
❥{just hope that one day when i open my eyes...everything will be different...

Really hope that one day when i open my eyes...everything will be different...


Everything will be happy...everything will be at peace...


Now i am in hall...not able to go home...well...lots of things happen and mama told me to stay in hall to focus on studies...


Now i also have to help make really big decision which will not only affect my life...but really make major changes to everything...and ultimately...it will only lead to unhappiness...


But thinking of this...if everything is sustain like how it is now...it will still lead to unhappiness...so why not just cut it short...


When yesterday over the phone my friend told me about me not being able to make my decision...or to plan out things own my own...but i guess nobody can really understand the circumstances i am now...its not really whether i wanna say or not...its...something that i cannot say...


Sometime just wonder why can't live be peaceful and simple...why always have to make things complicated and affect the peacefulness...is it that hard to just keep everything normal and simple...a lot of whys going on my head everyday...


I have to help make all the scary decision which sometimes really make me wonder...why am i in this world...why do i have to see all these things...why am i always faced with unhappiness...why can't i just be happy for just once without anything happening...why is unhappiness always with me no matter how much i avoid it...or how much i wanna run away from it...thats why i am sick of making decision...i am not certain whether the decision i make is correct or not...i am not certain about anything anymore...


Now i am really worried about my studies...about my modules...whether i will be to pass my modules...will i be able to graduate...cos this is the only thing...that is left now...


Really trying my best to focus...to concentrate...and trying my best to understand things that i dun really understand...and with everything that is happening now...plus quizzes for this coming week and the subsequent weeks...just feel as if...i am going to collapse soon...everything feels really heavy...feels as if...i really cannot handle anymore...


Trying my best to keep standing...trying my best to survive...but how long will it last...


After the end of this sem...everything will change...


My life...everything...will be changed...whether or not i will still be the same me...whether or not i will sink into silence...i dunnoe...but the only thing i hope for...is everything will be at peace after what has to be done has been done...


Just hope that one day when i open my eyes...everything will be different...just hope that one day when i open my eyes...i can really smile from the bottom of my heart...and really enjoy every moment at peace...


This will only be a dream...
Xin ♡




♥☆ Friday, March 5, 2010 ; 2:40 PM ☆♥
❥{in a mess...really upset...

Everything is in a total mess...my life...and my schoolwork...


Everything at home is not getting better...and its really sad i think of it...how come...why...a lot of questions just keep flowing into my brain...


Now have to somehow earn my own allowance...saving on whatever i can...and no longer can spend like how i used to do especially on food...


Really really upset...


And my maths is not getting any better...i tried my best...but it seems like i just can't understand...and my other modules also...


And my club...should i continue? Where can i go? What can i do...really upsetting...it seems like there is nothing that i can do...even when i think of something about what i can do...i will be pour cold water...not by other ppl...but by someone i know and good with...


Now the club is getting a new tee-shirt...but i have to save on it...so have to try to push it off...but it seems like everyone is forcing me to say a reason...say already they brush it off as if it doesn't matter...but in the end still forces me to say again...what is wrong man...wny keep asking me to keep say things that i am really sad with?


I am grabbing hold of the last motivation i have now...and i am slowly losing hold of it...


I will not give up...but it seems like i am not moving anywhere eventhough i tried my best...


Tears drip down silently in my heart...nobody knows it but myself...


Alone on the dark path...struggling to find my way out...


Will i be able to find a way out?


Will i be able to replace the tears with a real smile in my heart?
Xin ♡




♥☆ Tuesday, March 2, 2010 ; 11:59 PM ☆♥
❥{really have to be more cautious

*Bang Head*


Oh my tian...


I actually accidentally passed some important documents to my roomie..cos its together with the files for designing the poster for the openhouse and my roomie is also helping me to design...and i forgot to remove the document from the folder when i pass her...snap =.="" *big rock came crashing onto me*


Goodness...super super careless...have to be extra X1000 careful not to make the same mistake again...and i seriously need to reformat and reorganize my macbook liao...really looks like a rubbish bin...no wonder i passed the wrong things and couldn't find files and documents that i need...=.=""


Oh well...and today whole day also didn't really do much studying...running around to meet up with friend about hall thingy...then after that meet up with the president to discuss about the phamplet and poster...and then the rest of the day have been trying to do the openhouse design thingy...goodness...i am so so so...oh gosh...feel as though slowly being crashed by heavy stones...really getting heavier and heavier...and really scary...


Today also meet up with kk to mug with him...yup... =)


Haiz...now really frightened with the upcoming mas 182 quiz...cos i am super confused and blur with all the chapters...haiz...and other upcoming quizzes also...ahhhhhh...more rocks falling onto me...T_T




Just hope that i can pass mas 182 and my other quizzes...and my jap music also...gosh...have not even touch my notes for jap music...need to start memorizing the music theory already...i think the quiz will be on the same week with my other quizzes...sobzzz...really frightened...


Just hope that i can pass everything...including mas 182...and i dun have to retake it again...really need a lot of help on this...haiz...hopefully i can survive...


Really praying hard...for courage and strength from God...
Xin ♡




♥☆ ; 10:26 AM ☆♥
❥{now is the time...

Now is the time...


Going down to the hall office...woosh...woosh...keeping cool...although have been 3 years that i have not gone into any debates or major presentation...but well...so here i go~


1 hour later:


Oh my tian...settled everything =) =)


Just took a peak and saw that i will be staying in blk 41 (if i am not shifting)...which is a really wow place...not only really wow...its waaaa...not only close to bus stop...close to staircase for a lazy piggy like me...and only on like 2nd level...unlike mind which is on the 5th level...but i think the disadvantage for that room is...super noisy =.="" cos close to bus stop and popular walkway where people always park their bike and just stand there and talk =.=""


Thank God...really really thank God...phew...


Really happy happy happy =)


So later just have to wait for my friend...then i will be able to settle everything =)
Xin ♡




♥☆ Monday, March 1, 2010 ; 5:43 PM ☆♥
❥{wonder what i should do...god help me...

Really wonder what i should do...really really wonder what i should do...



Firstly...i suddenly got a hall room...okie this is long story...previously have applied to sharing with a friend...and has been very happily staying in this hall...but suddenly...after a lot a lot of things have happened in between...i suddenly got offered a hall...oh my tian =.=""...and well...same hall...but dunnoe what room as i have not collected my key yet...


Now the nightmare part is...I am given a new place...which is like...oh my tian...and somemore i pay my friend already plus my sharing fee...now suddenly got a actual hall room...what should i do...could i still stay back in this room...my room...now really confused and frantic about what to do...


I guess tomorrow just have to stay calm...keep cool...and treat it like a debate competition...yup...have been through debate competition and major competition and also other big presentation for my FYP and events in the past from primary school until now...should be able to handle de...woosh woosh woosh~


But dunnoe why...just dun seem to be able to handle such thing anymore...as in those that need a lot of thinkings...i guess...might have spoiled my brain from too much in-depth thinking...lols...ahahaha...haiz...trying to be strong...as in...brave...but i guess i am just trying to laugh it off bah...haiz...


And today de hw meeting is...as usual...as in...just feel as though after each meeting...i got more sianz...and more unhappy...i guess...i can no longer find back the happy moment i once have in hw111...no longer...


I guess i just have to move on liao...really have to move on liao...although miss the happy moment...but they have passed...never will be back again...can only dreamt about them...but well...at least i get to experience them...and they are part of my memory...


But somehow just feel sad...and at many points...red alert...beep beep beep boomz!...trying my best not to explode...but sometime just...people just keep stepping and stepping eventhough i tried to remain silent to keep myself calm...haiz...


But well...next week is a terrible week...oh no no...should i say this week...tomorrow...is the start of the first nightmare that i have to handle...really nightmare...


But oh well...i will not give up...will not break down...i will fight for it...or maybe debate for it...lols...


Just hope that everything goes well tomorrow...just have to pray hard...really really hard...for the guidance and help from God...
Xin ♡




♥☆ ; 1:27 AM ☆♥
❥{shortest episode!!!! =.=""

Finished watching the last episode of 下一站，幸福...the shortest episode ever i have seen for any dramas...lols...


But the starting of the show really really nice and touching...summary of how guang xi and mu chen met and got together...really really nice...and sweet...


Really really sad that its the last episode...now no more drama to watch liao...sobzzz T_T...


Hopefully will have more new dramas like 下一站，幸福 and 放羊的星星...i guess this two drama will be my all-time fav fav for all drama series =)


Hmmm...yesterday afternoon also watched a show call "Raise your voice"...with hillary duff and another handsome guy which i dunnoe the name starring the show...really sweet and nice show...a few time almost have my tears fall out...sad and touching show about how a singer did not give up on her dream because of her brother who died in a car-crash helped her to send a dvd for recruitment to a summer programme for musicians...really nice...


Below is a song from "Raise your voice":






Hmmm...i guess now got to start reading up on my mas 182 notes and to think of what to design for openhouse phamplets/leaflets...and got to catch some sleep also...later got hw102a meeting...got to rush to sch...oh yea...went home yesterday...lols...really hungry and bored in hall~~~ lols...


Oh my tian...the mas 182 test will be next week...and i have been lagging for the 7 weeks...really really scared...dunnoe if i can pass...hopefully i can...and rite after that day will be the openhouse preparation and event...that week will be a...stress stress stress week...kyah~~~ >.<


As quoted from the song "someone's watching over me"...i will not give up!!!!! =)


JiaYou!!!! >.<

Xin ♡