♫ Xin ❤
~Xin Xin World~
  


♥☆ Monday, November 30, 2009 ; 11:26 AM ☆♥
❥{surprisedly...i managed to get into my old facebook which got hacked!

Super surprisedly...i managed to get into my old facebook which got hacked!!!!! lols >.<...tot its gone forever...then suddenly feel like going to try it...and then...tadaa...got in!...woosh...lols

To testing...i log in and out and in again...really can leh!!! lols!

This morning supposedly "not going" to sleep...but ended up sleeping like a pig on my sofa >.<...and...nearly fall off my sofa...

This morning was sleeping so "piggyish"...and almost got freak out...tot today is my inorganic paper...shocking =.=""...cos monday...tot is 1st of dec...my heart nearly jump out...scary T_T...sobz...>.<

Haiz...still got a lot to go for my revision...cannot finish leh...haiz...

Dun care le...see what i can write then anyhow write le...emo...angry...sianz...

Hmmm...jiayou! ganbatte!

(anyone wanna go out in the afternoon on 3rd dec? to sing k or go for foodie trip? >.<)
Xin ♡




♥☆ Sunday, November 29, 2009 ; 1:35 AM ☆♥
❥{waaa...sian ar...do i have "come aim me" face?

Waaaa.....zzzzz.....super sianz ar...dot dots...

Just received an email from my vp on submitting post event report for gaming nite...and in the first place..."I DIDN'T EVEN HOLD THAT EVENT!!!!"...SIANZ...why do i even have to submit that report...i tot i am doing the openhouse thingy...grrrrrr...

If nobody is doing...then i have to do le...WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRR...frustrating...do i really have the "come aim me" face like "someone" have mentioned? grrrr...everywhere also always get aimed...even go lab or outside also will get aimed...sianz...i think i wan to use plastic bag to cover my head le la...rawr!...

Ruined my mugging mood...rawr...!!!!! *stomp stomp*!!! oops =X

Have tried my best to cramp 3 mods in 2 days after my great depression...oh man...seriously my head is getting bigger le...my gosh...(i think i do have to cover it with plastic bag le...lols!)...and really super confused with everything now...i think my brain has mixed up everything =.=""

Read about inorganic high spin or low spin i will think of vitamins...when doing organic i think of vsepr =.=""...seriously i think going bonkers le...AH!!!!!!

3 mods...in 2 days...have to do them well this time...haiz >.<

And...I WANNA GO OUT ON 3RD DEC!!!!!!! I MISS THE WORLD OUTSIDE!!!!!!! >.<

Lols...ps for all the caps...overly stress le...ahahaha...wonder if any of my friends will be free on 3rd dec to go out to play...or maybe visit the newly open malls at...erm...eh...hmmm...somewhere...but forgot where le...=X...

And most importantly...i miss prata...carrot cake...and chocolate ice cream...going to stuff myself with good food after the exams (and before my wisdom tooth surgery)... >.<

Lols...back to work now...

Papers here i come!!!!!! Rawr!!!! >.<
Xin ♡




♥☆ Wednesday, November 25, 2009 ; 8:03 PM ☆♥
❥{lost all the hope the moment i step out of exam hall today...

The moment i put down my pen and left exam hall C at 3pm...i am officially gone forever...with all the hope lost...and all the smile gone...

Failed my maths again...

Eventhough i tried my very best...to the best of sacrificing other mods...

The light is gone...and darkness filled my mind...

Wondering aimlessly...realised i forgot to pay some fees to SAO...so went there and realised i lost my matric card...by right i should be be panicking...but dunnoe why i just feel nothing...walked back to exam hall C to try my luck in finding my matric card...and saw a lot of my friends there...i see...industrial chem...they are taking right after my maths in the same exam hall...

Somehow they are surprised i was there...tot i am taking industrial chem also...but well i'm not..just waiting to go in to get my matric card back...

Have to smile...and somehow chat with them...tears starting to well in my eyes...but i swallowed my tears...at least not cry in front of my friends...not to cry in front of anyone...

Somehow managed to smile and say jiayou to them...which i think they needed a lot at that time...and chat with them a bit before they went in and i went in also to get my card...

After which i left...and somehow i just wonder aimlessly...down the quiet road along the LTs...and suddenly tears start to drip down unknowingly...with all the bad thoughts filling my mind...thoughts of giving up...thoughts of just sleeping forever and never to wake up again...

Wonder why am i so stupid...why am i so ridiculously dumb...why do i panick last min...why do i forget how to do the even simplest form of integration...

Unknowingly reached spms...took the lift down to take bus C...and just...sit down...staring blankly...

Thoughts filled my mind...thoughts of what i should do from now on...knowing that i will not be able to pass anything since i focus all my energy on maths and did not do any revision for any of my mods...

And suddenly tears drip down again...and i just walk to somewhere quiet...to silently just let my tears drip down...has been a long time since i really cried...and the very last time was when i failed my 113...

Tears just drip down unknowingly...although have trained myself not to cry so easily...but...tears just...drip down...and suddenly feel really alone...really really...alone...i guess...i am always...alone...

Really just hope that i will just sleep forever...so i will never have to see the results...not being able to graduate...not being able to pass anything...and being...a failure...a really dumb person...

I guess i really should have just quit...i should not even be around at all...should i even exist here...i am just being extra...i should just be gone...just disappear...

My hope is gone...

My smile is gone...

Will it ever come back again...

Will i be really happy again...
Xin ♡




♥☆ Sunday, November 22, 2009 ; 2:23 AM ☆♥
❥{M.I.A (missing in action)

Missing in action for the past 1 week...

Prisoning myself...and isolating myself from the world...

Tomorrow is the first D-day paper...

And...

I haven't even really studied that...haiz...

Really super sleepy and tired...and my organic chem and inorganic chem i think are also gone case for me...

Keep sleeping and sleeping...haiz...super piggy...already cannot finish studying le but still keep sleeping...haiz...has been mugging maths for the past few weeks...if really cannot pass again i think gonna break my hands and throw it in front of the exam hall le...*shivering in fear now*...T_T

Typical piggy me...half dragon and half rabbit...(i wonder what animal is this...lols)...haiz...stoning and blury all the time...*sigh*

A lot of things also happened the past 1 week...

Will further elaborate after 3rd dec i guess...if i am still surviving...

Flu still going on and off...sometime to the extend of fever...sometime just shivering in cold...

Isolated in my small...tiny land now...away from all fun and jokes...away from contact...away from communication...

Have been coop up in hall for 2-3 weeks...almost forgot how to go home le...almost lost my way home few days back...gosh...my sense of direction...haiz...

And have not gone out for the whole semester...haiz...how does the world look like now...i wonder...haiz...i really wanna go out to play after exam...in need to take a breather after 3rd dec...wanna go to the zoo...maybe on christmas or before christmas...and wanna go to escape theme park to play...>.<...anyone interested? Wanna join me? >.<

I think i got to disappear for now...D-day here i come...the nitemares are happening again...and this time...haiz...

Gone case? Fall off the cliff? Haiz...T_T

Jiayou jiayou everyone...and jiayou jiayou me...ah xin...*m.i.a*
Xin ♡




♥☆ Monday, November 16, 2009 ; 12:26 PM ☆♥
❥{counting down...

7 more days to the start of nightmaresss on 23rd Nov, 5pm...17 more days to freedom...at exactly 3rd Dec 11 am...*thinking of food*...(> oo <)

And...

I am lagging far far *echo* ...far~~~~~~~...behind everything now...still stuck at tut 12 of my maths...and left...9 more tut to go starting from functions...oh my tian...

And have not started much on any other mods...grrr...maths really kinda waste a lot of time...haiz...and i am stuck with it for countless of hours...

Sianz...

I am so much behind time...gosh...didn't do any mugging for anything other mods other than...yar...maths...zzz...i think i am going to start on my elective le...haiz...dunnoe what will come out this exam since the topic is so...broad...yet so...vague...

Haiz...

Anyone wanna go out on 3rd Dec after 11 am to eat, play and do anything under the sky for celebration to freedom? Anyone anyone? Badly suffocating now and need a breather...

Anyone know of any good places with good food? Or nice places with fun stuff?

Nightmaresssss before freedom~~~~~

Counting down...
Xin ♡




♥☆ Sunday, November 15, 2009 ; 11:37 AM ☆♥
❥{so blur...so slow...

Times flies...with a blink of eyes...its almost 11.40 am le...and i am still stuck at integration tut 10 and 11 for the past 10 hours...ah~~~~~~*laying flat on the table*...

Feels like a slowpoke...yawnz like a slowpoke...haiz...>.<

I am so slowww~...moving in slow motion now...been sitting here doing maths for countless hours...and my back is breaking apart...ouch T_T...

And now...still super blur with a lot of qns...help~ T_T

Haiz....

Yawnz...

*jumping around to keep myself awake...*

Didn't go home this weekend...>.<...kind of miss my sofa...sob sob...and homecook food...T_T...but all my notes are in hall...haiz...and my fever going on and off...so i think best thing is to stay away from crowds at the moment...

But i think now the most serious problem will be my maths and chem...hmm..yar hor...these are the only ones that i am taking this sem other than my elective...lols...haiz...that means i am having problems with all my modules...haiz...

Help help...need help with integration and differentiation....

*laying fully flat on table...*

I guess i am going to school tmr to do maths...need a change of environment somehow...maybe tutorial room or the sofa area will be good...>.<

And to stay away from comp...lols...and bed...lols...but need to remember to bring jacket...hmmm...haven't recover from my fever yet...but aiya...dun care le...going to sch to zoom zoom maths...=.=

Ah~~~~~

Drowning le...T_T

Will my maths survive this sem?

Really hope so...>.<
Xin ♡




♥☆ ; 7:56 AM ☆♥
❥{ganbatte!!!!!

=)

Had a nice long long chat with my mama at 12.30 am...=)

Having a chat with someone always makes my day better =) Have someone as my listener to say joke and talk random stuff...makes me feel much better and let me know that i still exist =)

Hmm...tut 10...a bit bored with differentiation le...going into integration first i guess...haha...but somehow have been doing this tut for the past few hours...proceeding very slowly...gosh...=.=""...cos dunnoe why just can't solve them fast...super slow~...>.<

A bit behind time...but oh well...can only say that...time flies...lolssss...turn my head 6 pm...turn head again...8 pm liao...so fast...=.=""

Recently also started playing a game call castle age...quite cool...similarly to mousehunt also...clicking games...lols...oops...supposed to restrict myself from facebook and games...but...lolssss...still can't run away from facebook...ahahaha...i think i am totally addicted to it le...lolsssss =X

I think somehow have to force myself to reduce on facebook usage...

Hmm...happen to saw my friend de facebook status while going to press my mousehunt horn...

" frenx come n go.. but true frenx will always be there regardless how sad or happy u r..."

Very true indeed...very very true...

Alrite...will try to finish up tut 10 and go to tut 11...lols...if not i am not going to sleep...=X...no la...just woke up after sleeping for 4 hours...will take a nap later i guess...if not my fever will come back again...=.=""

Okie dokie...go go go!
Xin ♡




♥☆ Saturday, November 14, 2009 ; 4:12 PM ☆♥
❥{fever fever go away...

Fever fever go away...jia xin wan to mug mug mug...

Lols...

Slept for 12 hours...non-stop...trying to recuperate myself without medi...lols...believed in the biology behind "body can do self healing by themselves" >.<

But...behind time now...uh oh...=.=""

Slept too much i guess...12 hours...quite scary...lols...also didn't expect myself to sleep for so long...now i am 4 maths tut behind...gosh...supposedly should have done until differentiation by now...but now still stuck at revision part...grrr...too piggy i guess >.<

oosh oosh oosh!!!!!! Jiayou!!!!!!!!!!! Rawr!!!!!!!!!!! Dragon girl power!!!!!!!!!! Laser pew pew pew...lols...i think i sot le...ahahaha...=X

A bit of motivation thoughts:

1) Wan to go out enjoy myself to the fullest on 3rd of december 2009 rite after my last paper...hehehe...maybe see movie...eat good food...or maybe see who i can find to go anywhere...need a breather...been locked up in room for like dunnoe how long le...and wanna go see christmas deco...anyone wanna go anywhere? anyone anyone? hehe =D

2) During holiday more good foodie~ more fun~ =D

3) Hmmm...

4) ....shall update later...ahahahaha...>.<


Okie dokie...back to work now...oosh oosh!!!! Ganbatte!!!! Target: Finish 6 tut by dinner...or maybe not? hmm... ?_?...dunnoe if the canteen is still open today...hungry T_T...but too weak to go out to find food...haiz...food~~~~

Hungry~ dinner~ >.<
Xin ♡




♥☆ Friday, November 13, 2009 ; 10:28 PM ☆♥
❥{fever

Haiz...

I think my flu had evolved into a fever le...

This morning woke up feeling super tired and exhausted...but rush to sch to hand up my report...finally...last report for this semester...

Then after which went back to hall to do my laundry...and at that point my body start aching all over...so went to take a nap before going back to sch at night to do some printing of notes...

So woke up after my nap...still feeling goggy and block nose...but rush down to school...and still raining heavily...but haiz...forgot to bring my jacket out...so was freezing in the cits comp lab...super freezing...

Then really cannot take it...so quickly take some of the notes and came out...to take pioneer bus to buy dinner...but suddenly start to walk sideway...as in...cannot straighten myself...and my head start to get hot hot...which i think should be fever...snap...

But still quickly buy some porridge back...2 weeks without eating egg le...super missing eggs...so asked the porridge seller to help me put egg...but then...she forgotten...and so now end up eating a plain and tasteless bowl of porridge...haiz...

I miss eggs...terribly...T_T...2 weeks without egg le...haiz........

But now the headache part would be my fever...super super bad time to have fever...really feeling my whole back and neck aching terribly...and feeling super dizzy...

Haiz...now i wonder how to survive the weekend since i have basically nothing here...no medication...and i dunnoe where got doctor around my school since its a weekend...and the worst part is...i dun even know how feverish i am now since i dun even have a thermometer...

And the terrible part would be how to chiong my maths since my head keep feeling the dizziness...and also a bit shaking in cold...dunnoe why eventhough i tune down the fan to speed 1 le...cold~

And in this state i dun think i would even be able to tolerate the whole journey back home...with the neck and back aching...and i can't even walk straight...feeling super dizzy...i wonder how to get food during the weekend since my maggi are running low...T_T

No food...no eggs...no medi...no nothing...sobz...

Alone...fever...flu...aching...cold...haiz...
Xin ♡




♥☆ Thursday, November 12, 2009 ; 11:33 PM ☆♥
❥{oh no...i have very bad flu...oh no...

Oh....no no no no no no....Caught a flu bug today...oh no...

Today went to print notes during my elective break..then when came out of LWN..."ha-choo"....start sneezing non-stop...till now use up 12 packets of tissue le...and my nose has become as red as pig nose le...oh no oh no oh no...Gosh...why do i caught a flu at this important period of time...this is so badddd....

"HA CHOO"!!!!!! =.=""

Oh gosh...ouch ouch...my back...my back...sobz...really feel like crying now...T_T

This is terrible...wonder how i am going to get up in the morning at 8.30 am to hand up my report...can't even walk properly wothout sneezing...feeling super goggy now...my tian arr....and my backache...haiz...

And i still have tonnes of maths and other mod i haven't finish reading...supposedly going to mug alone till late nite tmr in sch...but now in these condition i wonder how to go about doing it...maybe have to wear full gear of jacket...gosh...hopefully it will not extend into fever or other terrible thingy...=.=""

As i get more stress up...my frequency of sneezing got worst...now i can't even talk properly, breathe or hear properly...

Super super super stress...everything just pile up...and dunnoe who I can seek help from especially for my 212...and 213...

And i wonder how to get home in this condition...can't even walk properly...haiz...

And feeling super hungry now >.<...wan to eat omelette T_T...or chocolate cookie ice cream...hungry hungry...but got no food here...T_T

Hopefully can finish up 4 of my maths tut and also report by tonite...if not i dunnoe what to do le...haiz...since due date for report is tmr...and my IR also have some missing peaks...oh no...haiz...do i have to carry my flu to wear jeans and full lab coat to lab tmr? I think have to le...this is so...headache...

My maths is also on the verge now...its either...jump off the cliff...or suddenly miracle happen...which i really am hoping....

Haiz...and my maths have to depend on my own now le...also dun wanna trouble Ian too much...today he seem so stress and emo...quite worried for him...hope he is okie...

Haiz...now addition of cough and headache to my flu...oh my tian...T_T...

OOSH OOSH JIAYOU!!!!!!!! >.<

HA-CHOO!!!!!!!!!! T_T

( Ian Jiayou Jiayou also!!!!! Smile smile sista!!!! nono it should be brother until the end of exam!!! =) Today see u so down when u left...jiayou jiayou!!!!! You are mr fire rabbit!!!! u can burn!!!!!!!! Ganbatte!!!!!! =) Go go go!!!!!! Chop up all the papers!!!!!!! )
Xin ♡




♥☆ ; 4:46 AM ☆♥
❥{almost 5 am...but i am not yet asleep...

Lols...its almost 5 am now...and i am not sleeping yet...not cos i dun wan to sleep...but now trying to rush my report (which i forgotten completely)...and also my maths revision. My report is half way done now and i think i put it aside first to revise on maths...starting from lecture 1...hopefully can finish up till differentiation when the sun rise...

Oosh Oosh Oosh...go go go...lols...trying to motivate and wake myself up...lols...

Got sleep for one hour plus at around 11 plus while waiting for my mechanism...which is like...waited for hours...oh well...long story...

So yup...report now left with IR and also outcome of reaction...oh yar...snap...almost forgot about my TLC result...sianz =.=""

Hmm...i guess i will do it at night...lols...

So now...going to chiong my maths...writing up notes and hopefully can do some practices for tutorial 2-6...

Will be sleeping later i guess...have to sleep...if not really cannot tahan...i mean tolerate until 5.30 pm to 8.30 pm for my elective lecture...

Books are my best friend..best friend...best friend~

Hopefully they can help me to pass this semester...especially my maths...212...213...hmmm..basically everything...lols =X

OOSH OOSH OOSH~...GO GO GO~...JIAYOU!!! GANBATTE!!!!!!! =)
Xin ♡




♥☆ Wednesday, November 11, 2009 ; 2:02 PM ☆♥
❥{thunderstorm just sweep through...

Supposedly i should have numb myself and void of all external emotions and feelings not related to studies...

But somehow i broke this...after trying to focus non-stop for the whole night and sleeping only like 3 hours...

Today saw him coming to lecture for food chem...was surprised to see him there...tot he dun exist in my food class anymore...since he hardly appear in sch for lec...

And...when i saw him...he looks as though nothing happen...and seems to have forgotten everything...that point suddenly feel as though a tornado just sweep by and thunderstorm and rocks just fall on me...super super super angry...

And after that tot he might not go for 212 since he also never really attended it...so at least my nerve will not get broken so many times...

And there he is...walking past me while i am asking qns...and looking at me as he speak to his friend...at that point really feel like going up and bash him up...he looks as though like "hee haa nothing happen...i forgotten everything" kind of look...rawr!!!!!!!!

Tot at least he would say something about yesterday...but didn't...so that means he might be in his random mood again yesterday...

But anyway nothing lor...didn't say or express anything about yesterday in person to me and also didn't say why he lie to me in person...NOTHING LOR!!!!!!!!

RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yar my mood just became thunderstorm and tornado...haiz...super disaster...broke my focus...sianz...

I think i still have to train myself to become machine...shall meditate in my room at night to become godly level...lols...oops...=X

Now working...super super sleepy cos only slept like 3 hours last nite...cannot complete my maths...feel like my whole energy drained out le...ah~~~~

Straining myself to be awake now...but feel like munching on food leh...ah~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Food food food food food...stomp stomp stomp...>.<

But the worst part comes...i still dun understand maths and 212...and my 213 and tourism trend...i just dun seem to be able to remember everything or swollow everything up...headache ar~~~~~

Urgently need help with 212 and 213...super headache...dun seem to understand what is taught and the reaction...i am so goner....again...haiz...

Guess going to mug tonite alone in sch...can't find friends who do late mugging and most of my friends are not in hall...

Hmmm...i guess...at least in sch i can focus better without lappy...and will not fall asleep without bed...lols...hopefully won't fall asleep outside late in the night...=X

And i just realise i forgot that i have one more report to do and hand in...oh my tian...and my revision are so much so much behind time...i am so so so so so goner...T_T

Help~~~~~T_T

Drowning~~~~~~T_T
Xin ♡




♥☆ Tuesday, November 10, 2009 ; 9:41 PM ☆♥
❥{my last post unrelated to study...

This will be my last post until the end of exam that is not related to studies...

Another round of disappointment by "erhem"...

Today someone unexpectantly msn me after i finish typing the blog post below...

And...yar...this is the last post that contain "erhem" until the end of exam...

"erhem" msn me...saying how sorry...but of cos...ask me about 213...lols...expected...

And...yar...just saying all sorts of things...and i also said my piece...said everything...all the things i bottom up when i become the black side of jia xin last week...

And...he say that...he lie to me about having something on last week and not mugging with me as promised...

This is the point i suddenly hear my nerve snapped...

Lie...broken promise...hiding...what else have he not done to me...

Is it that difficult to even say that he can't mug cos he cannot finish his revision? Can't he just say? Doesn't he always say that he likes things to be open and dun like ppl to lie to him? Why is he doing this to other ppl...to me...when he himself dun like it?

I guess he only knows how to say...but his actions tell otherwise...

And so...he say he wanna meet up to apologise to me in person and to talk and settle everything...waited for him at sch which he wanted...and bus c left like dunnoe how many le...waited for like half an hour but still didn't appear...

And when he appear...all he does was laugh it off...and not even apologising sincerely...just laughing and joking as if nothing happen...and i dun even know if he is really apologising or just wanna make fun or have fun or whatever...

And in the end...when the shuttle bus C came...not even a single word of saying wanna talk everything and settle everything which he wanted when he msn me...all he does was to dare me to go up bus c and laugh it off...

Fine...i took the bus and left...really at that point my nerve suddenly just "snapped"...and i almost exploded...

Is it that fun? He even smsed me back saying he feel like laughing when he saw me...this makes me feel like...i dunnoe what to say already...

When i am serious he laugh it off...and didn't he say in the first place he wan me to be serious cos i am always in my random mode? So what he say in the past are all randomly say de la...i see...

So in the end...not even settle...not even a word on what really happen...and not even a word on why he wanna lie to me...so this is what his friendship with me are all about...so that he can laugh off at serious matter and make me look like a dumbo...so that he can say any random things whenever he likes...so that he can keep disappointing me by lying to me...and making promises and breaking them

Today without settling anything...without any explanation...i guess thats so him...his sun and smile is out...but he wanna put dark cloud on me...and thunderstorm over my head...

Haiz...

Anywayz...

Today Ian really helped to pull me back alot after what happen...as in...keep pulling me back from the dark black hole that i am dropping into...helping me alot in my maths...trying really hard to help me from giving up on maths...thanks bro...i mean sista...lols...

Shall focus a lot now...not think of anything...not think of what happen...just focus like a machine...focus...focus...

Shall also reduce my facebook usage to 1 hr...and also online but not talking much i guess except for anything related to studies...

Going to chiong...

Really chiong...

Light of hope...

Praying for a miracle...
Xin ♡




♥☆ ; 10:32 AM ☆♥
❥{supposedly i should be in class now...

supposedly i should be in class now...

But...

I just woke up...=.=""

Not that i slept late...woke up very early today...8 am..but then...pom...fell asleep again...

I guess perhaps my brain gave up on 212 lec...or it is deciding to rebel le...first time feeling so tired that i pon lecture...gosh..this is not a good sign at all...

Gosh...shouldn't have slept last nite with my stomach full of maggi mee...

Sianz...

Now woke up feeling super bloated T_T...

But still hungry leh...

Haiz...

Nevermind...i go be "godly" and eat notes...lols =X

Hmm...

I guess i still try to sneak into the lecture bah...at least listen to some parts..cannot sleep anymore le >.<...must really chiong hard this time...

Today will be the last time i sleep so much...

Until the end of exam...going to chiong le...

Ah~~~~~~~~~~~

But still feel sleepy...

Haiz >.<
Xin ♡




♥☆ Monday, November 9, 2009 ; 11:30 PM ☆♥
❥{just got back hall after non-stop mug mug mug

Rush Rush Rush Rush Rush Rush Rush Rush~ (ps...tape recorder spoil le...lols =X)

Lols...after meeting up with Ian...went on to meet up with a new friend who is my friend de facebook friend (lols...long link...)...

Anywayz...

He is kinda strange in some way la...hmmm...will further elaborate when i know him better...but just kinda pretty strange for someone who know me for the first time...to ask me when we first add msn...whether i have bf...the first question he popped me...weird...what a surprising first qns...lols...

Hmmm...

Anywayz...haven't eat my dinner yet...eat up too many notes le...lols...

So now cooking up some maggi to munch...haiz...but okie la...different flavour...lols...

Was mugging by myself just now in some ulu bulu tutorial room just now before coming back hall...hmm...quiet quiet la...but okie la...ahahaha...at least i won't be distracted by my laptop...facebook...or music...

Focus a lot...tried not to think about anything other than books for now...yup...going to use up my power and life to chiong for this time...so yup yup...

Hmmm...time to makan...

Oh man...suddenly feel like eating prata...fried carrot cake...vege oyster omelette...ice cream and chocolate cake...haiz...gonna eat them all during my vacation...or not...snap...got wisdom tooth surgery...oh man...haiz...sianz...

Nevermind...before the surgery going to stuff myself...lols...hehe...

Yup yup...makan time now...super hungry after a long day without food...going to become "godly" le...lols...

JiaYou!!!! Munch munch!!!!! Lols >.<
Xin ♡




♥☆ Sunday, November 8, 2009 ; 1:31 AM ☆♥
❥{reach home quite late...

Reach home quite late...

Left hall around 10+...then board the train...and waited for the bus...long trip...

On my way back on the train..."erhem" smsed me...saying whether i "qi xiao alr"...and "dui bu qi..."...

But the prob is....yes...i am angry...but...the disappointment exceeded the anger...and to say the truth...i am not that angry anymore (100 % decrease to 50%) ...but just feeling the disappointment came gushing out when i saw the sms...

And i guess he dun really understand it...

Haiz...i guess thats so him...

Just now was on the bus reading up my mas 181 notes...and realise how laggy i have been...i am so goner...i dun even understand whats definite integral and whats all those application thingy...i am so confused...

Starting to tremble...really feel that this time i might not be able to make it...really very scared...tried hard...but i feel as though i am falling into the dark deep hole...helpless...

Hoping for a miracle to happen...

Praying hard for a light of hope...
Xin ♡




♥☆ Saturday, November 7, 2009 ; 1:25 PM ☆♥
❥{accidentally bang myself onto the bed side...

Hmm...

Ouch...last nite accidentally bang myself onto the edge of my bed while walking to get something from my cupboard...ouch...feels as it my whole leg going to fall off like that...gosh...T_T...

I think i got too many things on my mind...thats why bah...wonder why on earth would i bang myself onto the edge of the wooden bed while walking...=.=""

Anywayz...

Okie la...

Although last nite still super depressed...but yup...managed to control my tears...it didn't came out...lols...

Listened to some of my fav music on my blog...

Somehow some of the songs are quite related to what i am feeling...

At some point was a bit overwhelming the depression...

So...pop into my bed...forgotten to shut down my lappy...poor lappy...hopefully it didn't get overheated...then went on to sleep...long sleep...

Slept for 9 hours + 3 hours in between last nite...okie la...my back still aching though...i guess it could be a sign on stress...

Dun really care about what happen already...no matter its about the personal thing or what "erhem" did...

Promised Ian that i will focus...focus hard on my upcoming impt things...

So yup...i am not thinking too much le...

I am reading...writing...learning...

But a bit headache with a list of things i dun really understand about some of my modules...

Gosh...

And time is running out...

Really feel suffocated as i count down the time...

Oh man...

Help~

(As i think...i got more hungry...bought a lot of vege snack and pea snack...whatever...i eat it myself...)

(I guess i am not blaming anyone...just blaming myself for being so stupid and dumb for keep believing...)
Xin ♡




♥☆ Friday, November 6, 2009 ; 8:56 PM ☆♥
❥{In total disappointment...

In total disappointment...really...total...disappointment...

And today is also one of my very worst day...not because of my lab report cos I already handed in before 3 pm...but its because i got back my organic paper...and the nightmare of last sem is back again...really very disappointed...didn't expect i will only get 9 out of 50 for the whole paper...

9 out of 50...i am really a letdown...i have made a commitment that i will do my best for organic chem and told my tutor for last year that i will not fail organic chem again...but it seems like i failed again...the same thing which happens last year...

I am really a letdown...

And at the point when i got my paper...someone called me..."erhem"...

And somehow i got a feeling he would be saying that he cannot make it for the mugging session...but because of last night's phone call...though i dunnoe if he really called to ask about my backache or to call to ask for food chem lab...i believed and trusted him again...that he would keep his promise...

And in the end...when met up with him to get the mechanism...yar...he say he got something on...which just depress me even further...really...just got back my paper...and in the end...the broken promise...

I am not the kind who will really force people...but since promises are made...at least...i dun mind changing time...or day...or place...but just completely sweep it away...as if this promise never existed...its really super depressing...

A mixture of sadness and total disappointment...I really believed in him this time...i tot at least he would just give a call or something...at least...

Today also got a phone call...some really bad things also happened...

Really dunnoe what to say...today was in total moody mode...really paiseh to my lab mates and friends that i might have accidentally become irritated over little things...A.W...Y.L...psps...

And today thanks to A.W and Y.L....who tried to drag me to eat...cos really no mood to eat although didn't eat for the whole day...but went to force myself to eat a pancake...although really feeling really down...super down..

Tot at least...he will be there...at least...as a brother...as a close friend...at least...for the worst day i have...at least...

Tried my best to force myself not to cry...really forced myself...today its really...my organic chem...and the really stressful thing...some personal stuff...although tears are welling in my eyes...but tried to force it not to come out in front of my friends...

I guess those "erhem" phone calls and concerns might just be random...depending on his mood...or whether he feels like it...

But thanks to Ian for your concern and encouragement today...it really helps to know that there is still someone there for me...though we know each other for less than half a year...but thanks for being there...and for mugging and eating dinner with me...at least i know that i am not alone...thank you my very good friend...my listener...

Today "erhem" also smsed me that he is sorry...which he always did after causing these...but does he understand how deep the disappointment he has caused? Especially this time...how deep the disappointment i am feeling?

And i wonder if he still wants his box back...and also the tut sheet that i helped him to collect...if he dun wan...then fine...

I guess i will take a nap for a short while...feel as though the tears are coming back as i think about what happen for the whole day today...really is...haiz...

Hopefully can wake up on time to bath...

Now shall lay down on my pillow...my backache is coming back...waking up later at 12 am...to do some washing and laundry...

Haiz...
Xin ♡




♥☆ Thursday, November 5, 2009 ; 9:59 PM ☆♥
❥{fire drill during lab

Lols~~~~~~

Today when doing food chem lab...had fire drill (real de...really chase ppl out of the lab lor...ahahaha)...

Its super...wow...feels like when i was in primary school like that...running down the staircase...looking for the exit...blah blah...

Then after that...my lab mates and I were walking down to the assembly area...and we start to talk a lot about super funny things...and at the same time...instead of feeling nervous...we...take pictures...lolssssss...super hilarious...taking pictures of the last day...no la...of our last lab session with fire..i mean drill..ahahahaha...

Then when we are released...my lab mates and I were talking about our grignard lab exp tmr...and i was saying maybe can make another fire drill tmr...with my grignard on fire...super cool sia...and i take pic with me pointing at it...super hilarious...ahahaha...=P

Then when we went back to the lab...we...took pictures again...ahahaha...taking pictures of me "drinking" HCl, taking pictures of me "chopping" my hands and my lab mates hands...and a lot of "scary" and funny weird pictures...ahahaha...>.<

Also took a group pictures of my friends with the lab teacher...ahahaha...and then...continue on to take pictures again...ahahaha...tmr laast 215 de lab also wanna take pictures...hehehe...maybe see drink hexane or conc. acid...ahahaha...

Now waiting for my friend to upload the picture...ahahaha...cos not my camera...didn't know will have fire drill during lab...if not i would have bought my camera along...ahahaha...>.<

Today is a really cool and fun day...will be bring my camera along tmr for the last 215 lab session...ahahaha XD

=D
Xin ♡




♥☆ Wednesday, November 4, 2009 ; 10:30 PM ☆♥
❥{smses

Dumbo brother "erhem" smsed me in the evening...asking hows my backache...

This is the first sms after the promises he broke on monday...

Is it a random sms...or a real concern...

Hope that its the second one...

But i dunnoe...

I wonder if he still remember the promise that he made last week about this friday mugging...

Or will there be other things that will replace this promise...

I wonder...

Lets see what happens on this friday after lab...

Lets see...

Haiz...
Xin ♡




♥☆ Tuesday, November 3, 2009 ; 9:16 PM ☆♥
❥{better mood =)

Now in a much much better mood =)

Thanks Ian for accompanying me just now and mugging for a short while with me =) And thanks for your concerns too =)

Today also went to visit BR after "da bao" mac with A.W in the afternoon...cos heard BR sprain his ankle while doing trampoline jump outside of school...oh yar...A.W also used his ice cream voucher to exchange two ice cream cone...me eat one...waa...long time no eat ice cream le...thanks A.W =)

When reached their hall (they are roomie...BR and A.W...so sweet rite both of them...ahahaha...oops =X)...BR is not around...guess he went to eat lunch with his clutches...lols...so both me and A.W stayed in the hall to eat our lunch while watching fullmental alchemist...

Then...from a distance outside the door...heard a voice screaming of pain...lols...i guess must be BR coming back le...so quickly went to open door for him...then after that chat with him while he tried means and ways not to use clutches to walk while screaming in pain at the same time...then A.W start to tease him...and dancing around while I tried to tell BR today's lecture and tut...oh man...the scene was hilarious...super funny lor...ahahahaha...

Thanks friends for accompanying me...and chit chatting and making me laugh a lot =) Unknowingly all of you helped to lift my spirit up today =)

Now chionging report time!

Ready...get set...go!!!!!!!!!
Xin ♡




♥☆ ; 1:10 PM ☆♥
❥{disappointment...

Now waiting for A.W to finish his Q & A with his polymer lecturer...haiz...i wanna go back hall~...but promised him to eat lunch with him le...so have to wait for him...feeling sleepy~...so sit down a while to blog in comp lab >.<

Yesterday was kinda emo...so fell asleep at around 12 am until like 1.30 am...woke up and was stunned cos supposedly only going to take a nap for like half an hr but ended up sleeping for 1.5 hrs...tsk tsk...lols =X

Yesterday my backache was also still aching...oh man...if my mum were to know that i even bath under cold water with my backache...(cos woke up too late...water heater off le...)...she is so gonna scold me...haiz...=X

Haiz...

Last night my mum called me...cos she was asking if everything was okie..and yar something like that...then maybe sound a bit emo and unhappy because of what happen last night...and suddenly she told me a story of when she was a little kid:

She used to fight a lot when she was a kid with her siblings...with her 2 sisters...sometime going into the extend of like cat fight (wow...thats...lols...)...quarreling with even the tiny things that when she recalled now sounds funny...like food...clothes...or even just not happy if one of the sister is always not around...

She was telling me that...because of my personality...as in...when i was small...i could have been the only child...but because my mum feels that i am always so lonely...so after considering for 3 years...she decided to have my sister...(but somehow...lols...my sister is so quiet and inactive...so end up a bit...yar nothing much...lols)

But anywayz...i guess she is trying to tell me that even for siblings that will be disagreement and lack of understanding...whats more if it is between friends...close friends...for me...a brother...which my mum say from little i have always wanted an elder brother or sister...but its like a never thing...

But now it feels as though i really have a brother...whom i can look for...its like wow...a dream suddenly fulfilled...but sadly...it is always being returned with disappointment...i guess...maybe cos i have always yearn for a elder brother...thats why even if it is small actions it really makes me very happy...as though there is really a brother behind me who will look after me...i guess...maybe i am thinking too much...

But still...it feels..really...haiz...dunnoe how to describe the feeling...a mixture of...loneliness and disappointment? Or maybe depression and emoo...

Small happiness comes with great disappointment...

Does all happiness always comes with disappointment?

Hmm...A.W. is out le...i guess i go off with him to eat Mac le...

Yup...
Xin ♡




♥☆ Monday, November 2, 2009 ; 10:25 PM ☆♥
❥{haiz

I just dun understand is it that hard to keep a promise?

I mean...

Maybe its me...but its like...whenever ppl break a promise...its really very saddening and angry...its like...okie if say in advance still not too bad...but if its like...if forgot even after saying just like few hours ago...and didn't even give a call to say cannot make it...its really...super...haiz...

This is what happen just now..."erhem"...

Already promise to meet up in sch to pass the papers to me...but in the end silent...no nothing...no call...no nothing...tot he is still busy...so went to msn him...in the end...just reply me he wanna accompany his roomie...if cannot pass me...can at least tell me in advance de mah...already promise le...waited for him to settle his things...but in the end...i think he have already forgotten if i didn't say...

I know i shouldn't be angry...should be used to his pattern le...but still...its really angry...as in...when ppl promise...but no call...no nothing...silent...even if cannot...still silent...no call no nothing...its really super...haiz...emoo...

And i tot he knows my pattern...

And when met up with him...he still didn't treat me seriously...tot i am playing with him...

Obviously he dun treat my things seriously...i keep emphasizing but still...haiz...

And i even almost step on a lot of cockroaches when i am out of sch...and while walking to his hall...my goodness...all the lights are spoiled...can't even see anything...i am not scared of dark...erm...a bit la...thats why when i sleep at night wan to on small light beside me...then i can sleep...lols...but i am freakily scared with what might be lurking and crawling around in the dark...which i met a few...almost shock my life out...haiz...T_T...

Anywayz...

Today even got into a big fight...settled somehow...got what i wanna say somehow across...tot he should have understand already...but in the end...still...haiz...

Its like...i mean...i take small or big things very seriously de when it comes to promises...

Really very depressing...angry...and emoo...

Haiz...

(...Whenever i put more trust...through small things...always ended up disappointed..."erhem"...)

I guess this week de mugging session i dun even know if he still remembers...i guess when the day comes i shall see what happen this week...since he never really take my things to heart seriously...even when i keep emphasizing...

Haiz...emoo...

(...thanks for the papers...i promised to help for last week food chem lab and i will...)
Xin ♡




♥☆ Sunday, November 1, 2009 ; 9:34 PM ☆♥
❥{sitting down for a while before rushing back hall...

Ah~~~

Sitting down here to blog for awhile before rushing back hall...~

Sobzz...now tv got do jay chou de bu neng shuo de mi mi...sobzz...but cannot watch cos preparing to go back hall later at night...oh~...the male and female lead is so sweet together...riding bicycles and teasing each other...and the part where jay look for rain...and also both of them write things on the table to each other across different dimension...>.<

Anywayz...

Yesterday have a tough time trying to go back hall cos my back suddenly ache a lot after i "accidentally" took a nap in the afternoon...haiz...

But then after which msn L to get nmr from him...cos dunnoe why just cannot print out the nmr in sch...so ask him to help me print...and will be passing by his hall while taking the shuttle bus...so yup...

Then when reach there...lols...have to walk there hutched back...but dun wanna show it out...cos later got ppl worry...so yar lor...

But then when met up with him...quite touched (感動) that he got some vegetarian oyster omelette ...(one of my fav food...but in really small portion...=.=)...surprising...first time...for me...especially in a day without food...thanks... =)

Its tasty...wonder whats the recipe...lols >.<

Then later at nite he called me up...(quite surprised also...)...cos he tot i overshoot my stop...zzz...no wor...cos really to maintain my composure by biting on the omelette every 10 mins...exercise my mouth at the same time so that i will not fall asleep...lols =X...but yup we chit chat a bit...talking about lab de thingy...

Hmmm...i guess now going to eat up my dinner and rush back hall le...ahahaha...dun wan to step on any cockroaches at nite..scary~~~~ >.<

Lols
Xin ♡