♫ Xin ❤
~Xin Xin World~
  


♥☆ Wednesday, November 25, 2009 ; 8:03 PM ☆♥
❥{lost all the hope the moment i step out of exam hall today...

The moment i put down my pen and left exam hall C at 3pm...i am officially gone forever...with all the hope lost...and all the smile gone...

Failed my maths again...

Eventhough i tried my very best...to the best of sacrificing other mods...

The light is gone...and darkness filled my mind...

Wondering aimlessly...realised i forgot to pay some fees to SAO...so went there and realised i lost my matric card...by right i should be be panicking...but dunnoe why i just feel nothing...walked back to exam hall C to try my luck in finding my matric card...and saw a lot of my friends there...i see...industrial chem...they are taking right after my maths in the same exam hall...

Somehow they are surprised i was there...tot i am taking industrial chem also...but well i'm not..just waiting to go in to get my matric card back...

Have to smile...and somehow chat with them...tears starting to well in my eyes...but i swallowed my tears...at least not cry in front of my friends...not to cry in front of anyone...

Somehow managed to smile and say jiayou to them...which i think they needed a lot at that time...and chat with them a bit before they went in and i went in also to get my card...

After which i left...and somehow i just wonder aimlessly...down the quiet road along the LTs...and suddenly tears start to drip down unknowingly...with all the bad thoughts filling my mind...thoughts of giving up...thoughts of just sleeping forever and never to wake up again...

Wonder why am i so stupid...why am i so ridiculously dumb...why do i panick last min...why do i forget how to do the even simplest form of integration...

Unknowingly reached spms...took the lift down to take bus C...and just...sit down...staring blankly...

Thoughts filled my mind...thoughts of what i should do from now on...knowing that i will not be able to pass anything since i focus all my energy on maths and did not do any revision for any of my mods...

And suddenly tears drip down again...and i just walk to somewhere quiet...to silently just let my tears drip down...has been a long time since i really cried...and the very last time was when i failed my 113...

Tears just drip down unknowingly...although have trained myself not to cry so easily...but...tears just...drip down...and suddenly feel really alone...really really...alone...i guess...i am always...alone...

Really just hope that i will just sleep forever...so i will never have to see the results...not being able to graduate...not being able to pass anything...and being...a failure...a really dumb person...

I guess i really should have just quit...i should not even be around at all...should i even exist here...i am just being extra...i should just be gone...just disappear...

My hope is gone...

My smile is gone...

Will it ever come back again...

Will i be really happy again...
Xin ♡