♫ Xin ❤
~Xin Xin World~
  


♥☆ Saturday, December 12, 2009 ; 11:29 AM ☆♥
❥{suddenly just...

While playing bejewelled...suddenly just have a lot of random thoughts flowing out from my mind...


Supposedly i should be sleeping now....but after watching 3 films of horror...feel more awake and then start poking on the bejewelled and castle age...then suddenly just thought of many things...


I guess i always feel like this when it is coming to near january...especially closer to that day for me on jan..


Oh well...


Sometime i really feel that to a certain point i am feeling really childish at times...and really just...not being really kiddish at times...maybe its because...i am lacking all these since i was a kid...after i left my primary school...


Ever since i enter secondary...i was never really happy...and have always had to be brave...to be "adult"...and independent even when i as just like a little kid...no matter where i was...in school or at home...i always tried to be as independent and as "adult" as possible...especially...the bad memory i have in sec and poly...always isolated...lonely...so never really shown anyone my childish side...and to let my mum worried less of me and to be able to put more attention on my sister...never really bothered or make her worry about my studies or whether it is choosing school...poly...or course for my poly...


But in actual...whenever i see people who have friends who they can play with...act childish with...or having elder siblings who they can play or act kiddish with...it always make me wonder why dun i have a elder sibling...why am i always isolated in school...is it because i should never be happy...


Until i enter uni...when i am with my close friends...i start to show my other side somehow...my...less independent...childish...kiddish..."stomping" side of me...when my friends who is older than me...A.W...sometimes pat on my head...to a certain extend it makes me feel...that someone still care...and it really makes me warm in the heart...(of cos not beat my head la...i will punch them...ahahaha...already so short le later more short...lols)...


Sometime i really feel...un-noticable to anyone...even now...the loneliness i have since i left my primary sch never left me...the isolation...being alone at the dark corner...i can never brush it off...even if i try to cover it...it is always there...


Maybe that is why...whenever i have close friends...suddenly just auto they feel like my elder siblings le...and to a certain extend like little sister tend to always wanna find them to play with...(oh man...really childish of me >.<)...


But still...the loneliness...isolation...still...lingering around...


Haiz...


I guess i should be sleeping now...must be the side effect of first session of wisdom tooth extraction...took out two on thursday morning...my heart almost jump out of my mouth when the surgery start...and the doc even have to put extra injection cos i feel pain too easily...but still even like dunnoe how many injection i can still feel pain...but cannot scream...T_T


And now...face swollen...jaws and mouth painful...eating porridge and pandan cakes for days...=.=""


Next surgery will be soon...and will be going alone i guess...since my mum might be busy by then...hopefully my heart dun jump out...scary~ =.=""


Haiz...


Time to sleep...yawnz...didn't sleep the whole nite...nitez~ (-oo-)
Xin ♡