♫ Xin ❤
~Xin Xin World~
  


♥☆ Saturday, January 23, 2010 ; 1:28 PM ☆♥
❥{can everything be the same?

I wonder...

Can everything be the same again...the same fun...the same style of fighting...

Will everything be same?

Or everything will be different forever...

Yesterday lab and hw102a...but well...i tried to act normal...way too normal...but in the end...well...lots of internal conflicts thing happen...and A.W got kinda pissed off...and walk off liao...

I mean...yes i am not firm...indecisive...random...and most importantly not strong enough to face things i have to face...

Just want all my good friends to be in the same group...to have fun together...all my buddies in the same group...to work together...and talk crap together...but how come its like very hard like that...

But i find that i am really not the cold person...its hard to turn into someone cold...like sistah say...be cold and scary...but i really not able to turn myself into that person...it only makes me more feel like being loner...outcast...since being cold means not to have any emotion...

But...

Will everything be normal again...?

Or will i continue to act in this way...trying to be cold...

Does it help if i do that...

What do i wan...

I just wanna be happier...and everyone to be happy...

Is it that difficult?

I really have no idea...

Now A.W. is pissed off...

And me and "erhem" are in the stage of tension...

What is going on...the more i wish for happiness and peace...the more bad things start to happen...

Maybe i should just outcast myself...

Or i just isolate myself...this way i will not wish for anything...that way nothing will go wrong...and everyone will be happy...

But do i really wan to do this?

What do i wan...

Simply just happy...normal...and fun...

But i guess its hard to get this simple hope bah...

Well...just hope that everything will be better as time goes by...

Hope that everything will be how it is few weeks back...no...1.5 years ago...

Will it be?

Will everything be the same again?

But after thinking twice...i will still stick with the decision i made last nite...i am firmer now...much firmer...i believe they will understand...i will just firmly tell them next week...and whatever happen i will just accept and deal with it...after all...i still have a lot to learn...and i will learn to deal with it alone...i will not regret with the decision that i have made...

I believe whatever happen is something i need to learn...or maybe God is telling me to do what my heart wan to do...instead of just running away or hiding like how i used to do in the past whenever something happen...i will just hide somewhere...and just keep crying non-stop...in a dark black corner...

Maybe things will get better...if i work hard...

Jiayou Jiayou...
Xin ♡