♫ Xin ❤
~Xin Xin World~
  


♥☆ Monday, January 25, 2010 ; 3:31 AM ☆♥
❥{happiness mean letting go...

Just finish watching episode 17 of 下一站, 幸福...really really a wonderful and sweet drama...a lot of what mu chen (the female character) said in previous episodes when guang xi lose his memory somehow express what i am feeling...


Had been feeling rather emo and depress during these few days...and mama also kinda know i have been emoing since i have been home on sat nite...and well...she also knew who i have eaten dinner with...she didn't scold me or anything...especially after reaching home at around 12.30am...she only show the expression like "haiz...typical jia xin...no matter what happen...no matter how hard she try...she still end up in this emo state"


Thought knowing the truth will make me feel better...but in the end did not change anything...but make me even more emo and depress...


Feel like saying something...but if i say it...not only does it not change anything but it will only make things become bad and even worst...or maybe bad and worst things will happen to me...


i guess i can only say that its more or less 有口难言 for me...as for what have been said on sat...well...50% real...50% opposite...yup...


Trying to act tough especially in front...at first wanna avoid...wanna run away...but still end up stuck here...suddenly feel like running away again...maybe i should go to other country for 1 semester exchange or something...maybe i will be able to forget in that way...i also have no idea...but in any way i still have to act strong and normal in front...maybe have to act more random and act more happy...


But in the end still can feel some regrets in my heart...about what i wanna say that time...


And still can feel the sadness that i have been trying to bury in my heart for a long time...


Sometime wonder if time turns back...if i really try to do...to try doing what i wanna do...will i really be happy...or will there be more worst to come...since that time did not manage to persuade mama...


Since time has already pass...i guess i can only 默默守候 from far away...if happiness mean letting go...i shall let go and stand far far far away...


When will this feeling and emoness ever go away...


I guess sleeping still helps...shall sleep a lot a lot...
Xin ♡