♫ Xin ❤
~Xin Xin World~
  


♥☆ Saturday, February 19, 2011 ; 2:27 PM ☆♥
❥{will i be able to see?

Has been a long time since i updated...

Has gone through quite a few episodes these few weeks...

But the recent one really affected me deeply...

It concerned whether i will be able to go on in future...
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Since young...has been having great difficulties seeing at night...but i thought that it is normal (even with dim light)...or maybe my eyesights are just weak...

However...last week...all of a sudden during my dinner...i start to see black spot which lasted for half an hour to an hour...its like...a dark spot rite in front of me...both my left and right eyes can see it...i tried closing my eyes but the spot are still there...tried rubbing my eyes or washing my eyes or closing my eyes but it doesn't help...this is when i really start to fear a lot a lot...

Went to see doctor at polyclinic at je on thursday...wanted to get a referral letter to see a specialist...kinda asked the doctor what is happening to my eyes...he is also unsure...so asked him will there be a chances of me losing my sight...and he said...quite a good chance...

At that moment...i just...stoned...smile at him and say good-bye...

Because i didn't know how to react or what to do...suddenly...when everything in my life seems to be better this semester though my results in school still not that good...but at least i am getting stronger...both emotionally and mentally...this have to happen...does it mean that i am not allowed to be happy?

Then i decide to drag it till next thursday to see the eye specialist...not that i dun wan to cure my eyes but there are far too many works and things i have to settle before i know the results of my eyes...whether its good or bad...

Only told 4 person about this...mama...and 3 friends...all of them have different reactions...

Mama was worried...my friend N tried to comfort me and teach me my schoolwork and at the same time give random cold jokes...curry comforted me also and accompany me last nite to mug a bit (while i eat burger lols hungry >.<)...and another friend also kinda tried to persuade me to see doc asap...but then suddenly add in "i dun respect people who dun love themselves"...well...in the first place i do love myself...but do i have a choice to choose what is piling on top of me? Okie i go to see the eye specialist without bothering what will happen to my work later...after knowing the results...what does it mean? It will only slow down my pace in my work...and affect what i have already planned....yes i know its my eyes...but if really i have another chance...i would have done checkup long before anything happens...loving oneself is not just doing things without caring what is going to come in the future...loving oneself is to do things which one is comfortable and happy with...even the choices made could be wrong...but afterall...its our choice isn't it?

Well...

Suddenly feel so lost...as to what i should do next...

But sometime when u start to lose...then u look out to things around you more carefully...

People...places...friends...

But oh well...

no matter what happen still have to see what is the results on thursday when i see the eye specialist...just hope that everything goes well...

EYES i need you~
Xin ♡